Untitled...

The following sentences are taken from Brida, a novel by Paulo Coelho. I remember that when I read it, I thought about how painful and beautiful the feelings that Brida goes through. I imagined how one's heart could contain such intense and contradictory emotions. I have learned that it can. 

That is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. You were my hope during my days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith.

I will always remember you, and you will remember me, just as we will remember the evening, the rain on the windows, and all the things we’ll always have because we cannot possess them.

For many days, I wondered if that man really had existed, or if he was an angel sent by God to teach me the secret lessons of life. In the end, I decided that he had been a real man, a man who had loved me, even if only for an afternoon, and during that afternoon, he'd given me everything... his struggles, his joys, his difficulties, and his dreams. That afternoon I gave myself wholly as well--I was his companion, his audience, his lover. In a matter of only a few hours, I experienced the love of a lifetime.

Si puedes recordarme, siempre estare contigo... 

Her new character

She can trigger the hate inside her easily. There are plenty of open wounds. Many of them are drying off, but the tiniest disappointment can immediately tear the skin and exert pain, hatred.

Like when someone replies with the classic sorry-too-busy via whatsaap, when another person never replies to her emails or viber messages, whenever she feels not important. There is a lot of ego and need for affirmation going on inside her. 

She used to be someone whom people look up to, someone sparkling with achievements and initiatives, someone important. 

But now, she is not important.

Someone tells her that live is a theater play. So, she tries to understand live differently. She had this sparkling and important character before and now she is assigned a different character: a common person. Someone doing her daily routines, not famous, not a sparkling star. 

Like this flower... just be a flower, as flowers supposed to be.

She is getting used to her new character. 

In this new character, she meets other people who are "playing" the famous and important character she used to play. Sometimes she feels jealous, in pain, hatred, when interacting with those people. She still craves for compliments and affirmations. 

She wonders.... how can she better perform this layman character? How to be someone with no thirst for affirmation from others? How to be happy simply by doing regular day-in day-out routines?

She starts to identify other people who are assigned with this layman character and start listening to them. Many of them say that they are not lonely even when they are alone. Every now and then, quietly and modestly they celebrate their own achievements, they teach themselves to cherish that simple celebration. Yes, one can teach oneself and get used to it, just like a non vegetarian learns to be a vegetarian. 

She starts to admire this common person character.

Maybe one day she will be assigned to a different character. Or can she choose?

Un Sabado... en mi casita.